Life Lessons: 2011

September 11, 2001

I decided not to do a life lesson for today since there are more important things that I wanted to do with my blog today. Many of you know that ten years ago today the Twin Towers were hit by two planes, and the Pentagon being hit by one plane. There were thousands of lives lost. Thousands of families were torn apart. I want you to think back to where you were at the time that the towers went down. Some of us were in school. Some of us at work. Each of us has a different memory of that morning. However, our memories are what unite us. We all experienced different things at that moment. But that memory is burned into place. Maybe you were confused as to what was going on. Maybe you were standing there unable to move as you witnessed the horrors. This cry was heard around the world. This attack, united us. So for today, pray for those who lost their lives. Pray for those families who are missing someone important to them. And most importantly, remember, and never forget.

The Life Lesson on Relationships

I know most of us think “what’s there to learn about a relationship?” I can hopefully explain that, even if just a bit. In each relationship there is always give and take, baggage, and emotional hardships. The lessons to learn are both obvious and unseen. I guess there are more facts in this situation though. Anyway, let’s see if I can cover the main topics.

Give and Take
Baggage
Emotional Hardships
Patience

1. Give and Take is something I am still learning. It’s never something that is simple to understand since each person has to decide what is worth giving and taking. The key to it is to find a simple balance between the two factors. Trust me when I say simple I mean it with all the sarcasm I can muster. There is nothing simple about trying to find a balance between give and take that both you and your partner will be satisfied with. The best way to find out is to sit down for a while and speak about what you feel comfortable with. I know guys are probably thinking it’s terrible to have to do that. But trust me, it can be beneficial to you in the long run. There’s nothing wrong with sitting down and talking about what you want in a relationship. However, if you’re just looking for a quick fling, just skip this, because a fling is not considered a relationship and, therefore, reading this is a waste of time. Once you do talk about things you’d be ok with and things you wouldn’t. I’ve done it, and trust me, it can help strengthen a relationship and create a good foundation to walk on.

2. I know that the term baggage is very loose and vague. In the simplest way to put it is to say that emotional baggage is one of the biggest problems in relationships. The problem comes with many factors. The way we were raised, and each relationship. I’m not sure about you, but personally each relationship I have had has left me with bad marks and some good memories. I can’t do the simplest things in a relationship because of my ex’s. Each one made me hate dating more than the last, and it may be the same with others out there. The point is, you should find someone who is willing to work with you through all that emotional baggage that comes and collects as you move through life. If the person you’re with helps you through those things, well, you may just end up one step ahead. Just know that it takes time and work on both parts. Depending on how severe the damage is it can be simple or hard to overcome. Sometimes just knowing you aren’t alone helps, and when you’re dating someone who respects you and tries to help you, try with them. It’s not something that they can do for you. You have to meet them halfway, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try. If you want a good relationship, you’ll realize that both parties have emotional baggage. Even if the other party doesn’t admit it, I can assure you that it’s there. Take time, have patience, talk, and work together. You’ll be surprised how well that can work. I know I am since I am currently working on my own issues with the person I am currently with. So, keep trying.

3. Along with Emotional baggage there is emotional hardship. This will be what you place upon your partner over the course of your relationship. I know it seems like a negative output, but it’s true. If you lie to the person you’re with, maybe they forgive you the first time. However, if it’s constant, then I can tell you that you are placing the emotional hardships upon them. If someone they’re with constantly lies, well, let me rephrase that. How would you feel if you were constantly lied to? I’m sure you would feel paranoid. Well, that’s how it goes. And that’s only the beginning. If such is the case, you are the one who is placing future emotional baggage onto them that will be evident in their next relationship. If something like this is happening to you, be warned that the situation may not get better. I’m not saying that it will never since each relationship is different. However, I wouldn’t get my hopes up. The best thing to do in these situations? Try not to do anything that will end up causing your partner worse damage for the future. I wish I had better advice, but for each specific situation there is advice and I really don’t feel like covering all the possible ways that a person can receive Emotional Hardships.

4. We all know that “patience is a virtue”, but most of us lack it. (Myself included). Each relationship has moments where you just have to sit back and take a deep breath. Lock yourself away for a while. Patience is something that is practiced. And sometimes our control over it isn’t as good as we would like. In those moments, politely excuse yourself and go to a place where you can relax. I know that choice seems obvious. However, I know that a lot of us don’t take that option. Instead we snap and go off on our partner, and they snap back. Then we have an all-out argument. A relationship takes patience when they annoy you, when they need re-assurement, and as their partner you should understand them, and also, if you’re that person, well. You better pray that your partner has patience with you.

The Life Lesson Of Responsibility

There’s always a strong sense from adults for children to be responsible, and the other way around. I can tell you that it’s a cycle. The simple fact is that some people really just don’t like to take responsibility for their actions or anything. If you’re one of those people, you’re probably not looked upon highly. I know that sounds cynical or rude, but in all honesty, if you always shove blame on others, you’re really not earning yourself friends. Simple as that. Therefore, I am talking about responsibility today. (Wow, such a stern topic!)

Responsibility is something that everyone has, whether it be cleaning a house, or taking care of a child, or even just simple chores. The problem is that a lot of us don’t do them (myself included). When we don’t do our chores, it gets us in trouble most of the time. But the worst issue is when we don’t take responsibility for our own actions. I hope you’re not saying “I do!” Because I can guarantee that you aren’t always taking the responsibility upon yourself. Rather I have met enough people who love to place the blame on others. Why? Because, they don’t feel like being yelled at or criticized. I understand that. However, I guess if each of us took a little bit more effort, then we wouldn’t be stuck in such situations. Sounds simple enough, right? Wrong. Doing things like that will take self-control and self-discipline. (I’m not one who is good at either). So here are some tips on how to achieve that.

Tell yourself you have no reason to lie
If you just get it done, it's done
Don't procrastinate
No excuses
Reflect upon yourself

1. Telling yourself that you have no reason to lie is one thing, you have to believe it. If you tell yourself something long enough, you’d be surprised at how well things like that work. When we as humans feel cornered and are afraid of the consequences our fight or flight response kicks in. Generally we pick flight, which usually leads to lying. By taking a breath and saying that you have no reason to lie, you are trying. Once you’ve convinced yourself tell them the truth. This will save you from more trouble later should you be figured out or caught in your lie.

2. I know almost all of us have heard “if you get it done right the first time, you won’t have to do it again” and I also know that most of us add on “and if you do it right the first time no one really appreciates it.” But the main factor is that by adding that on we are providing our mind with an escape of responsibility. It’s something that we shouldn’t do since we end up hurting ourselves more. If we don’t do things correctly, we only have to put in more effort afterwards to fix what we didn’t. By doing this we also put ourselves out to feel resentment for the people who are lecturing us and telling us we aren’t doing anything.

3. I know we all love to do it. Procrastination. It’s like a disease. “Why do something now if you can put it off till later?” Because if you put it off till later, you’ll hear complaining and the like. Who likes that? If you do, then go ahead, keep doing it. Personally we just need to find the motivation to keep ourselves from putting things off. My motivation is that I won’t have to hear the endless hours of lecturing. Plus the sooner I finish, the sooner I can move on onto something I like doing, rather than getting interrupted in the middle and having to do the stuff I put off. I’m sure all of you feel the same about hating being interrupted, there’s your motivation.

4. Excuses, excuses, excuses. Are you familiar with this phrase? I used to be, before I turned my life around and just told people the truth. Not only did it make me feel better, but that’s all up to the individual. If you make excuses, be warned, after a while no one will really tune you in when you start telling them. Trust me, I’ve seen it happen, and it is never pretty. So try using the honest path and just telling things as they are. At least then they’ll listen to you, and likely believe you when you talk about things that are important.

5. I guess saying to reflect upon yourself is something simple. The fact is, most people don’t know how to do it. I used to not know it either. Then I realized something that helped me. At night, about thirty minutes before I went to bed I would think about the day and if I had done anything wrong or the like. In those thirty minutes I would think of ways that I could better myself. Doing this every day, I realized a common pattern and just worked on bettering one thing at a time. Try it. It may work for you.

That’s all I have to say about the Life Lesson of Responsibility.

If you have any stories or tips, comment, I will gladly read them, and may even put them into this post.

The Life Lesson of How to Study

Studying Tips

I know this isn't something that can be titled a "Life Lesson", but studying is actually a very good life lesson to learn. Each person is different when it comes to studying. Some never have to open a book, some have to read for hours, some have to hear things, some have to see things. However, I will try to give some real tips that can help ordinary people learn how to study better. Anyway, lets get started.

The main thing to know is that no one person studies in the exact same way. If we did, it would be simple. I know a lot of people don't like to study, but the whole studying at last minute only makes you have to learn more, meaning you will forget more by the next day. I bet most of you are thinking 'my teacher always says that.' They're right! If you study only on the last day it makes life harder. (I'm guilty of it as well.) Don't excuse yourself saying "I have a job" or "I want to play my xbox game first" no. That is the first thing you have to get out of your head. You have to have the mindset to set aside at least 30 min a day to just shut off everything and study. Those of you who insist on needing music (again I was/am guilty of this) you don't really need it. At least not music with lyrics. The reason? You'll pay attention to the music more than what you're trying to study. The best thing? I personally play sounds like thunderstorms to calm me down and keep me focused. I used to use techno beats. Anything that you can turn down and dim off into the background. This way your brain will have something like "white noise" for people who cannot study in pure silence. If you need silence, then just shut everything off. Lets go over the other simple things on studying.

Working "bit by bit"
Study Groups
Flash Cards
Re-writing notes
Reading the book
Recording the lecture/yourself

1. Studying "bit by bit" means that after a day of school you just take out the notes you've written/taken and you shorten them a bit more so that it's less information. Take 30 min a day to take notes and summarize parts. Now when I say parts, I don't mean summarize everything. I mean pick out the important details. If you don't know how to do that, I can explain. If your teacher repeated something more than once in lecture, highlight it. (Chances are, if she takes the effort to say it twice then it's important). If you've taken a test by your teacher, you can sort of assume what other details they will think are important. For example, vocabulary. Or even, if they gave you a fill in hand sheet. That's a big hint. That's not to say that everything on those will be used, but it is a start. Studying a bit everyday will help you. Especially if you look over the stuff you do the day before, before you start on your note summarizing that day.

2. The best thing about study groups is that they can be practical. As long as you stay on task. Don't create a study group and when you get together you goof off. If you do, it's probably time to rethink the study group option. If you can't handle a big study group, bring it down to 2-3 people (yourself included) this makes it a easier way to study since two to three people can focus and cover a lot more faster than a group of 5 who are constantly getting off track. Beware, if you create a study group, you need to keep charge and make sure you stay on topic. Personally I only did my study group with one other person. The reason I only had my friend and I in our group was 1. No one else joined and 2. we both helped one another in the way we needed to study. I personally am a type that has to hear things many times, and my friend was the type that needed to guess. So we split up the flashcards we had to make, and once that was done, I would read the question, and she would say the answer. This gave my brain the needed repeated sound to help me memorize, and it gave her the sound and the "guess" portion. I can say we passed our classes with A's to High B's. So when creating a study group, make sure you know how you study best. If you don't then try out each and see what helps you out the most. Another good thing about study groups is that they can teach you ways for you to study better on your own. I know you're probably thinking "how does that work" but the answer is easy. When studying with a group, you learn how you study best, and you can use that to help you bit by bit throughout the class before a test is even close to due. For example, if you study by hearing, read your flashcards out loud to yourself. This probably won't make much sense until you try it yourself.

3. Most people don't think flashcards will help them. I have known many skeptics. I can assure that 98% of them changed their opinion of them once they learned how to actually study with flashcards. The trick is to put the answers on the back and create a question, or put the question on the front and find the answer. I know this sounds like a simple thing that everyone should know, but trust me, even some college kids don't. If it's a question where you have to list something, for example lets say the question was : What types of economics are there : then there are 2 answers to that question. Underneath your question place a "X2" to remind yourself that there are two answers (Or x5, x6, depending on how many answers there are). Then on the back, on the top line put one answer and move to the next line for the next answer. In the end it should look something like :
(front) : What types of economics are there? x2
(back): 1. Microeconomics
2. Macroeconomics
I know you probably are thinking that this is something simple and that you already know this. If you do, then good for you. If you didn't, don't be ashamed, it's never too late to learn anything, and you will continue to do so until you die (no you will not live forever. Sorry.) Once that is done, read the questions silently to yourself, and read the answers aloud. This will make you hear it enough times to memorize it without you even realizing you had.

4. I know the thought of re-writing notes isn't appealing to many people. You've already written it once, why should you write it twice? I understand. However, you should do it anyway. While you are re-writing you can shorten it to make it simpler to understand. Or you can find strange ways to help you remember it. For example when write about the rights given to you by the First Amendment, you can teach yourself "R.A.P.P.S." Which are the 5 right Religion, Assembly, Press, Petition, Speech (Don't say fire in a movie theater, that's not in your rights. :) ) When I re-wrote my notes I would occasionally draw little pictures to help me understand. This works perfect for visual learners. Another nifty trick, is associating letters. I used to find hints in my self-made questions that would lead me to the correct answers. I wish I could remember an example but at the moment it's failing me. Basically when you re-write your notes, write them in a SIMPLER way for YOU to understand. Who cares if your friends understand your notes? They're not the ones who are going to study them. You'll be surprised how your mind can make connections to simple things if you train it to.

5. Reading the book? How boring! Yet it's got the most information in it. So how do you pick out what's important? Easy. While your teacher is lecturing, take out your book and underline things they go over or mention. When you get home read over the things you have underlined. Chances are that those things are important and will show up /somewhere/ on a test. Maybe not all the information, but I can assure you that you're a step ahead the people who don't even pay attention during lecture. You're technically tied to those that took notes. Now if your teacher is one who just reads through the book, then you have to decide yourself what you think would be the more important information and go off of it. I know most people don't know what is important and I can say it varies for a subject. Your first step is to make an outline of your chapter or section. An outline is simply made by listing off the main topic like below:
The Periodic table
    A)Atoms consist of
        1. Protons
        2. Neutrons
        3. Electrons.
Simple right? You just do that throughout and you'll figure it out. DON'T write down EVERYTHING. Just don't do it. It's a waste of time.

6. Recording a lecture is easy (if your in HS, you probably can't do this.) The issue that presents itself when people record lectures is that they don't go back and listen to it. So the first step after recording it is going and actually listening to it. The second step is to take notes on it. I knew people who would put the recordings of themselves onto their ipods and listen to it. Although I learn by hearing, this method has never helped me in any way. But if it works for you, that's great! I suggest taking shorthanded notes from the lecture you recorded, then reading those shorthanded notes that you made (make sure you do it so that you can understand it better), and read them onto a recorder. Then put that on your mp3, ipod, the like.

I know there are other methods to study. But there is always one thing to remember, if you don't understand something; ask your teacher. If you don't want to ask in the middle of class, write a mental note and after class talk with your teacher one on one. If they suggest tutoring, then try it. You may be surprised how well that works.

Anyway that is all I have to say about The Life Lesson on How to Study.

If you have any way you study and want to share it with me, please comment, I will gladly read it and if it's really good, I will edit this and put your stuff in here.

The Life Lesson of Lying

So most of us lie on a daily bases, if not an hourly one. I'd like you to think about a time when you lied and it came back to bite you in the butt. I'm sure that you all can agree that 95% of the time it probably came back to you and slapped you in the face. Today, I want to discuss the many life lessons that can be learned from lying. I know each situation is different, therefore, if you have a story you would like to share, comment and I'll gladly read it and give you my opinion. I'll also give advice if anyone wants it. Anyway, back to my initial idea. The life lesson on Lying.

Alright, since all issues are different, so I'll just give a few examples. I know someone who went and got drunk with a bunch of friends while her mother was at a friends. She was in her Oma's (Grandmother's) house with her sister. It was when she got home that she realized she had had a little too much to drink. When she got upstairs she threw up on the tile. It didn't take long for her sister to walk down and help her clean up. Her sister went to their Oma and got medicine to settle her stomach, and gave it to her. The next morning she had a pretty bad hangover. By the time she got downstairs her Oma had talked with her mother telling her she was worried about her. So when she got there her mother asked her what happened and she lied. She said she drank the wine that had been in the fridge. Her mother knew it wasn't enough to make her drunk. However, her mother didn't press it, and later on she slipped and got herself caught. Her mother punished her for the summer, because she lied, not because she got drunk.

(These details may be a bit wrong, you know who you are so email me if I messed up and tell me what I need to correct.)

The lesson to learn in this situation is that lying may get out of trouble temporarily, but had she just told the truth everything would have been fine. Granted not all parents are that understanding about their kids drinking while underage, but please take into consideration that this took place in Germany and it was legal for her to drink.

The Lesson? : Sometimes just telling the truth is the best option. It puts you up at risk, but at least no one can turn around and say that you lied first and let the hatred boil over the fact that you lied.

I don't have anymore stories on me at the moment, but I can give you a few tips anyway.

Don't lie to your friends
Don't lie about yourself to anyone your interested in
Don't lie in a relationship
Don't lie about past relationships
Don't lie about your plans

1. There are many reasons you shouldn't lie to your friends. One of them being that your friends generally know you and your habits. Especially if you've known them for years. Chances are they'll notice a change of pitch, or nervousness. They will know your habits when lying and even if they don't call you out on it, they'll know. Sometimes they don't figure it out, but it's all a matter of time before they do. If they do, trust me, they generally aren't happy. If it's a little lie, they'll probably let it pass, if it's a big lie, they may just fume.

The Lesson? : If you lie to your friends, you're possibly risking your friendship, if not your trust with your friends.

2. Not lying about yourself seems like an easy say, but so many people do lie about themselves. To make themselves look better, or to make others look bad. Exaggeration is easy to understand since almost everyone does it. However, if you lie and say something like "I love cats" when you really hate them, well you can be sure that that won't end well. Like any lie, you'll probably be caught in your own web of lies. This ends up making you look worse when you get caught. If you're trying to get a girl/guy, chances are, they don't want a partner that can't even be honest about themselves. The only person you're hurting by lying about yourself is you.

The Lesson? : Lying about yourself, only pins you against yourself, so be honest about yourself to others and you will feel free and in the long run it will help you to just be yourself, even if you're a nerd. If you're naturally a jerk, well, then it's time to start learning to change.

3. Don't lie in a relationship. It just ends badly. It can be a small lie, but I can assure you; women don't forget and they will hassle you. I can also assure you that men can hold things over your head. Either way, lying in a relationship is a bad idea. If you know your partner well enough you'll figure it out. And if you lie, the other person may assume bad things like cheating, sleeping around, and the like.

The Lesson? : If you want to hurt your relationship, lie. If you want a relationship that works, don't lie. Not lying isn't a promise for success, but it does help.

4. It's easy to say not to lie about past relationships, but can people really do it? Sometimes we make our old partner the bad guy, or we dim down the passion that was there to make our new lover feel safer. The simple fact? If you tell them "I had a strong connection with them, and we had a good relationship, but it fell apart, and I lost that loving connection" (Only say this if it's true. If it's not, well I hope you're not looking for a new relationship.) Other lies that should be avoided is playing up your relationship and saying "oh he/she took me out to eat at all these high class restaurants" etc. Don't make your new partner feel the need to compete with your old one. It causes bad blood.

The Lesson? : If you want a good and balanced relationship, don't play your old relationship up or down. Be honest or you'll cause instant negative emotions in the relationship.

5. I know saying not to lie about your plans seems stupid, but lets say you tell your friends you have homework to do, but you're really at a party somewhere. Even though the chances are slim, always assume that one of your friends can find you. Or even worse; your parents. And really, who would want to lie to their parents and be caught. That would be embarrassing. If your friends found out, well you'd have a bunch of accusations on your shoulders.

The Lesson? : Don't lie about your plans unless you feel like listening to lectures for hours or want to risk losing your friends.

And that's all I have to say on my lesson on Lying.

If you have a story you want to share, please comment.

The Life Lesson of Cheating

The Life Lesson of Cheating
We all know the story of the guy or girl cheating in the relationship. But the question is, what do we do about it? I will try to give some advice to simple life lessons for others to learn.

Well, for starters, let me be blunt with you, if your partner cheats: There's nothing you can do to stop them. If you're the cheater, well, you should feel guilty, but only YOU control YOUR actions.

Generally the excuse is that the relationship is becoming boring. Or in other terms one person is becoming dissatisfied with their partner (if not both). This can become a problem, the simple solution? Break up. Don't tell yourself "oh it'll get better" or "it's not always like this" because if one of you is about to stray, it's not going to last. Alright, other than that here's another simple solution. Don't go stray; separate (break up). I'll rephrase that last sentence so other people can understand 'If you're going to cheat, just break up so that it's not considered cheating.' Okay since that's done, lets get into the real stuff.

1. If you've already cheated and don't know what to do now, tell your partner what you've done. Don't tell your friends, don't keep it to yourself. Relationships are built on trust, and that means telling your partner the soul truth. If you don't, I can guarantee that 90% of the time they will figure it out. Just because I say 90%, don't immediately assume that you can be one of the 10%. If they don't know that you've strayed, they're probably pondering it. The best thing to do? Tell your partner. If the other person is willing the relationship can continue, or if that's not what you want, then just say that you know you did wrong by not breaking up with them sooner, but you don't think the relationship should continue. Granted this is a harsh way of doing it, since you're basically telling them "I cheated and now I'm dumping you" which can translate in many other ways. Some examples would be, 'I cheated and the person I cheated on you with was better, so now I'm dumping you.' Or 'You're not good enough and I'm moving to the better person.'

2. If you don't know what cheating is, let me help you out. You are cheating if you do any of the following with anyone else besides your significant other.

Kissing
Making out
"Fooling around"
Having sex

3. Beware of more than the physical cheating, most partners are really keen noticing these things. Now this list varies from person to person. So if you don't know if your partner thinks if it's cheating or not; it's time to talk to them. The list is/ but not limited to:

Flirting
Saying sweet things
"Secret" meetings
Writing love poems
Writing song lyrics
Giving presents

The best thing to do is to talk things out with your partner and clear the air. That way the other person can decide what to do; forgive or not. This is a simple thing. If you want a relationship to flourish, you have to be honest with your partner. As I stated before: Don't tell your friends! If the information is burdening you, how do you think your friend feels. Unless it's something your proud of, then you need to get a different perspective on life.

Anyway, this concludes my Life Lesson on Cheating.

(If you would like to give me your perspective, please comment.)